A pressured partner presents: The Twelve Days of Christmas

By Kevin Wheeler

How this popular Christmas carol might read if re-written by an under-pressure law firm partner.

On the first day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the second day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the third day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Get rid of some of your clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the fourth day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Prepare me a BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the fifth day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Is that it – a LinkedIn profile, a brochure and membership of Brooks’s?
prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the sixth day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Think strategically – what are you good at and which sorts of clients will pay a premium for this expertise?
forget social media, your brochure and your membership of Brooks’s?
and prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the seventh day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Tell me how you intend to target these potential clients
and think strategically – what are you good at and which sorts of clients will pay a premium for this expertise?
and forget social media, your brochure and your membership of Brooks’s?
and prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the eighth day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
What do you mean, you don’t have the skills?
just tell me how you intend to target these potential clients
and think strategically – what are you good at and which sorts of clients will pay a premium for this expertise?
and forget social media, your brochure and your membership of Brooks’s?
and prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the ninth day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Go and see a BD coach and they’ll give you these skills
and tell me how you intend to target these potential clientsand think strategically – what are you good at and which sorts of clients will pay a premium for this expertise?and forget social media, your brochure and your membership of Brooks’s?
and prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the tenth day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
Now that we’ve given you some help, I’m going to double your group’s fee target
go and see your BD coach
and they’ll give you the necessary skills?
and tell me how you intend to target these potential clients
and think strategically – what are you good at and which sorts of clients will pay a premium for this expertise?
and forget social media, your brochure and your membership of Brooks’s?
and prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the eleventh day of Christmas
my managing partner said to me:
We’re moving you to merit-based pay system
and now that we’ve given you some help, I’m going to double your group’s fee target
so go and see your BD coach
and they’ll give you the necessary skills?
and tell me how you intend to target these potential clients
and think strategically – what are you good at and which sorts of clients will pay a premium for this expertise?
and forget social media, your brochure and your membership of Brooks’s?
and prepare me a proper BD plan showing how you will get new, profitable clients
and get rid of some of your old clients, they’re not profitable
and do something about your write-offs, your margins are suffering
and issue more bills, your WIP is too high

On the twelfth day of Christmas
my true love said to me:
Oh just retire; it’s no longer worth the hassle!

 

Filed Under: Practice of Law

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